Teacher Feature

Don't date a girl who reads

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 15:29:20 +1000

By Charles Warnke

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly.

Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, god damnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.

Photo

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 15:25:41 +1000

lalibrairie: The Oxford Union Library, Oxford, United...

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 16:52:20 +1000

lalibrairie:

The Oxford Union Library, Oxford, United Kingdom

On the walls are Pre-Raphaelites murals, painted by Dante Gabriel Rossetti, William Morris and Edward Burne-Jones. It also has a unique clerestory (Wikipedia will tell you all about it here). Suggested by Pretty Mind Clutter, who not only has excellent tastes in library, but a good knowledge of them!

Hello lover.

Relaxation Scripts

Wed, 01 Jun 2011 18:34:16 +1000

Relaxation Scripts:

teachingtoday:

I use this website a lot for resources, but I love the inclusion of ways to help you and your students relax for tests.

I found that doing breathing/relaxation exercises with my hyperactive year 8s on first prac really helped them settle and focus. You only need 5 minutes. Might be a good idea with exams coming up…I’m going to try some of these with my year 11 and 12s too.

soak it in: Advice from a student teacher to coordinating teachers

Wed, 01 Jun 2011 18:32:15 +1000

soak it in: Advice from a student teacher to coordinating teachers:

lhuddles:

Disclaimer: In my student teaching experience, we called our cooperating/coordinating teachers our “mentor teachers.” Terms will be used interchangeably here.

So…the other side of the fence. Well, I haven’t been on that side just yet (how many sides to this fence are there? Student…student…

I couldn’t agree more, although I’ve been very lucky to have always had very considerate mentor teachers.

AWOL

Fri, 27 May 2011 19:25:59 +1000

I’m currently completing my last ever practicum placement and as such have been ridiculously busy gathering resources, planning lessons, reading up on the units I’m teaching and trying to memorise over 100 students’ names. I feel extremely lucky to have been given a placement in what is pretty much my dream school, and have been working really hard to make a lasting impression, in the hope they may remember me when I start filling in job applications at the end of the year.

Today I took a year 8 English lesson on active and passive voice - a concept they seem to have a tremendous amount of difficulty understanding. After trying to explain it in 3 different ways, I ended up telling them to forget everything I’d said. Then I wrote a sentence on the board. I asked them to tell me who or what was the person or thing ‘doing’ the action. I then asked them to identify to whom or what the action was being done. I then asked them what would happen if we switched them around. And BANG! It was like 23 lightbulbs went off in the room. I love those moments when students ‘get it’. They were creating their own sentences and switching from passive to active voice to their hearts’ content after that!

It just goes to show the power of doing rather than saying.

So this was me yesterday, except instead of saying the wrong...

Tue, 10 May 2011 20:55:39 +1000

So this was me yesterday, except instead of saying the wrong thing, I spelt a word incorrectly. Mediterranean with two ts instead of two rs anyone? I hope the year 8s didn’t notice!

Nothing like receiving a good ol’ fashioned package in the...

Sat, 07 May 2011 11:46:31 +1000

Nothing like receiving a good ol’ fashioned package in the mail, especially when said package contains new books!

Performance pay

Mon, 02 May 2011 22:06:00 +1000

Performance pay:

Australia’s Prime Minister today announced a scheme to reward the nation’s top teachers with pay bonuses, among other educational reforms. Click the link to read.

I just want to clarify that I don’t necessarily agree with the sentiments in any of the articles I post here. I think they are a good starting point for debate (as can often be seen in the comments section of an article!) and like to keep a record of any interesting education-related news stories.

Phil Beadle’s How to Teach - Teaching tips for new...

Mon, 02 May 2011 11:35:15 +1000

Phil Beadle’s How to Teach - Teaching tips for new teachers

teacher-girl: “I tell this to everybody, especially to first-year teachers: If you’re going to be...

Mon, 02 May 2011 11:32:47 +1000

teacher-girl:

“I tell this to everybody, especially to first-year teachers: If you’re going to be strict and have high expectations for your students, then you also have to make sure they want to be in the classroom, that they enjoy being around you, they respect you, and they’re having fun in there. If you are too strict, the kids will rebel. And if you try too hard to get them to like you, they’re going to walk all over you. There has to be balance.”

—

Ron Clark (via adiemtocarpe)

Every educator should read Ron Clark’s books. Even if you disagree with his philosophies, he is onto something….

I haven’t read any of Ron Clark’s stuff, I will definitely be checking him out now. Another teacher I find really inspirational is Phil Beadle. He is a former UK teacher of the year, is the author of a number of excellent books on teaching, and has appeared in quite a few documentaries about the failings of the UK education system. You may have also seen him on the now (sadly) defunct Teachers TV website.

Where for !Art! Thou, Piaget?: Hi!

Sun, 01 May 2011 20:33:20 +1000

Where for !Art! Thou, Piaget?: Hi!:

artthoupiaget:

I’m finishing up my second year as an art education major, and it’s been a blast so far. I can’t wait to start teaching. I also figured that now would be a good time to start up a little blog to record my experiences. It should be kinda neat. :D

So maybe I’ll kick it off with a question to the…

Do you use rubrics in art? I’m an English/history teacher so I don’t know if the same things are applicable in more ‘practical’ subjects. They help to reduce subjectivity in marking though as you have a concrete list of criteria to check against. Perhaps you could construct your own?

Should we sack (fire) bad teachers?

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 11:26:08 +1000

Should we sack (fire) bad teachers?:

Christopher Bantick, a senior English teacher at Trinity Grammar School in Victoria, argues that like any other profession, we should be able to remove teachers who demonstrate consistently poor performance.

This resource provides some useful strategies for teaching reading comprehension in Years 1-9

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 11:20:05 +1000

This resource provides some useful strategies for teaching reading comprehension in Years 1-9

It never gets old.

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 20:28:01 +1000

It never gets old.

Everyday Ramny: What are some things that your cooperating teacher did that you found most helpful/unhelpful?

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 10:06:26 +1000

Everyday Ramny: What are some things that your cooperating teacher did that you found most helpful/unhelpful?:

everydayramny:

tamaradale said:

She encouraged me to cultivate my strong points! She taught me that classroom management was about having a relationship with the students. Also, she let me set the mood by stepping out at the start, and then returning. I loved practicum!

revolutionizeed said:

I especially like the point about teacher not giving their opinions on students. Click the link to read the rest.

"Let us not take away the dreams of children – let them ride in the silver..."

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 09:52:40 +1000

“Let us not take away
the dreams of children –
let them ride in the silver moonbeams
of imagination –
at least
until we can offer them
something better”

- Nan Whitcomb (Nanushka), Believe in the Dream

The ‘keep calm’ phrase has definitely been...

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 20:13:00 +1000

The ‘keep calm’ phrase has definitely been overexposed, but I couldn’t help myself.

Create your own at http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/

It starts...

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 19:08:00 +1000

Despite the wealth of teaching related blogs, there are very few with an Antipodean focus. This is my small but hopefully not insignificant contribution - education with an Australian flavour.

I’m a final year B.Ed student specialising in English and history. I have a penchent for technology, especially anything Apple. I love music and incorporate it into my lessons whenever I can. I also believe in the benefit of physical activity and am an avid hockey player. This blog is a place for me to connect, dissect, reflect and project. Vanilla Ice, eat your heart out.